|
|
| Jokes And Funny short Stories About Sports |
| 15 March 2010 |
Any Gators?
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist's boat capsized. Although he could swim, his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the capsized craft. Finally spotting a beachcomber on the shore, he shouted out to him, "Hey, are there any 'gators around here?"
"Nope," the man yelled back. "Ain't been any 'gators 'round these parts for years!"
Feeling more at ease, the tourist commenced swimming leisurely towards shore.
When he was about halfway there, he shouted out to the beachcomber again, "How'd you get rid of the 'gators?"
"Oh, we didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber yelled back. "The sharks got every last one of 'em!" | | 14 March 2010 |
The Strength Of 100 Men
Before the final match, the American wrestler´s trainer came to him and said, «Now don´t forget all the research we´ve done on this Russian. He´s never lost a match because of this «pretzel» hold he has. Whatever you do, don´t let him get you in this hold! If he does, you´re finished!»
The wrestler nodded in agreement.
Now, to the match: The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold!
A sigh of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn´t watch the ending.
Suddenly there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian´s back hit the mat with a thud, and the American weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, «How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!»
The wrestler answered, «Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I thought I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. You´d be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!» | | 13 March 2010 |
| Three football fans were driving along when they spied a body in the undergrowth. Stopping their car, the three guys ran over to see what they could do. Unfortunately, they found the nude body of a deceased young woman. Being gentlemen, the first guy dropped his Spurs hat over one breast.
The second guy, a Liverpool fan, placed his hat over the other breast. The Manchester United fan then placed his hat over the woman's private parts. Soon the police arrived. The coroner started checking over the body. He picked up the Spurs hat and quickly placed it back. He then picked up the Liverpool hat and returned it. Then he picked up the Man United Fan hat, put it down, then picked it up again inspecting the hat more closely, and then put it down. Then he picked it up a third time.
By this time, the Man United fan was a bit irritated and he asked, "Why do you keep picking up that hat? Are you some kind of pervert or something?" The coroner responded with a wry smile, "Son, I can't figure this one out. Usually when I come across one of these Man United hats, there's an arsehole under it." | | 12 March 2010 |
An extremely loyal fan
There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the 50-yard line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.
When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Packers fan." The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"
The man replied, "They're all at the funeral." | | 11 March 2010 |
Cow Tail
A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend.
After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up. They all wanted to know what happened.
He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball. He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain. He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.
A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball. The helpful male golfer lifted the cow´s tail and asked, «Does this look like yours?»
That was the last thing he could remember. |
|
